These are troubling times. Unless you have your head in the sand or make more than $250,000 per year (the current definition of rich), you are likely anxious about your economic circumstance. Of course, a certain percentage of the population is anxious because they have an anxiety disorder. They can be on the beach in […]
We do not usually talk about our failure in a public forum. This is especially poignant during a presidential campaign where the only failure talked about is the opponent's. Failure is understood to mean when something falls short of what is required or expected; it is unsuccessful, the desired goal is not achieved. There is […]
"Adult love inevitably reconnects us to the earliest experience of infantile dependence on our parents or caretakers. And no parent is perfect, and no one's earliest experiences of love are consistently and absolutely positive. These and later disappointments sometimes surface when we are faced with love as adults. As a result, some people find themselves […]
We often like to scare ourselves. We get a kick out of the adrenaline rush of fear that comes from a scary movie or a roller coaster ride. We like the feeling of being afraid as long as it comes in a form that is some sort of controlled context. The movie and the thrill […]
David Benner in Surrender to Love says "the deepest ache of the soul is the spiritual longing for connection and belonging. No one was created for isolation." He then says we attempt to compensate for our isolation through "people, possessions, and accomplishments." That is, we attempt to soothe the pain of separation with the balm […]
Preparing for a seminar on "How to Connect in the Middle of a Fight", I have been considering a couple of movies that might have good examples of Attachment issues. I am looking for brief segments that capture the essence of the movement of our attachment dance. Sometimes it is much easier to see the […]
David Benner in Surrender to Love makes a profoundly simple and true assertion: "Genuine transformation requires vulnerability". This captures the challenge of my daily work with individuals, especially couples. Those individuals who struggle with being vulnerable are very difficult to help. Being vulnerable means "to be without adequate protection and open to physical or emotional […]
For the next few days I encourage you to pay attention to what you say and how you treat those you most care about. Listen to the words you use and how you say and use them. Pay attention to the emotional state or feeling behind your words and actions. Are you feeling irritated or […]
In the book, Hold Me Tight, one that I highly recommend for couples that are struggling with maintaining a loving relationship, Sue Johnson, the founder of EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) describes couples' "Demon Dialogues". They are Find the Bad Guy or the blame game where couples place fault for problems on each other rather than […]
There are a couple of random thoughts running through my mind. One has caught my attention: "Everything that is inconsistent with love will die." The other thought is something Dallas Willard and others who write on spiritual formation have said that sin is desire run amuck. Eve's original sin is a problem with desire: "…the […]
