I am experiencing the privilege of having conversations with Dr. Sharon Hart May, the author of books on safe haven marriages. Her latest book, How to Argue So Your Spouse Will Listen is one I give to every couple I counsel. My conversations by teleconference are focusing on EFT or Emotionally Focused Therapy, an approach […]
I love (no pun intended) this quote from Henri Nouwen (a well known and respected Catholic theologian and spiritual director) about what love means: "Love means intimacy, closeness, mutual vulnerability, and a deep sense of safety." Obviously, I do not feel close to or intimate with his quote so my use of "love" is more […]
I visited my website recently and was struck by the word transform. I was impressed by this because I know I do not have the power to transform anything. I hope I have not given the wrong impression and promise something that I cannot deliver. There is change in many of the people I work […]
I sit with many couples that have gone through adultery, or in the modern vernacular, "having an affair". The terms don't exactly mean the same thing. One of the definitions of affair in the dictionary is "a sexual relationship between two people not married to each other." Adultery on the other hand is defined as […]
Do you wonder how all of sudden you are in an argument that you did not see coming? You are upset and agitated before you know it and embroiled in a disagreeable disagreement with someone you love. Literally, you can be having a casual conversation and within milliseconds you're in emotional turmoil. To borrow a […]
Men and women are different. Anyone who has been in a heterogeneous relationship knows this. In fact, the word heterogeneous means exactly this; "consisting of parts or aspects that are unrelated or unlike each other." No wonder marriage can be so difficult! The way a man and woman argue is one specific way that we […]
What is one of the most, if not the most important aspect of your life? What is it that if you have this day in and day out you will be more likely to live longer, stay healthy, and feel satisfied with life? It is a successful marriage. Research study after study supports that married […]
There are moments of grace in our lives that we can witness if we are willing to ask, seek, and listen. A client of mine recently related such a moment in his life. He had come to see me because he felt stuck and frustrated with the behavior of his spouse. It is the kind […]
One of the great benefits of being a therapist is that I am allowed to witness the power of transformation. People's lives can and do change and I have the privilege of taking part in that transformation. Counseling is often the venue of last help. Most of us try everything we can to fix things […]
Today is the day after Christmas. All the preparation and excitement is past. How do you feel the day after? Is there an unfulfilled longing for more? Or are you satisfied, reflecting warmly on the past few days? Maybe you are just exhausted and glad to have a day after to recuperate. I am encouraged […]
