My wife Carolyn is an OT and she works with traumatic brain injured adults. In her practice, she and other therapists help clients cope with anniversary dates of the accidents or incidents that caused the traumatic brain injury. Anniversary dates of tragedies are often difficult as we remember and re-experience the event as a post traumatic experience or similar to one. These are dates we often dread.
A brilliant and encouraging way Carolyn’s practice helps their clients is to celebrate the date rather than dread and suffer through the date. One of her clients, who gave me permission to share his story, planned an outing to Red Mile race track where he had never been. Since his auto accident around 20 yrs old, he could only go places with his parents. He wanted to do this without them and with Carolyn’s help, was able to experience and celebrate an independence he had not known in over 20 years going somewhere he had never been. The joyful expression on his face said it all. The anniversary of his tragedy had become a redemptive experience.
His story reminded me of couples who I have seen in Emotionally Focused Therapy sessions and who, having worked through their betrayal, come out more connected, in love, and fulfilled than they were before the betrayal. Anyone who has worked through betrayal by a loved one knows it is a difficult and painful process, but these memorable moments of tragedy have become stories of deeper connection and redemption. Although the memory of the suffering may not completely go away, a breathe of new life has come into their relationship giving a renewed sense of hope and meaning to their lives with each other. They have come to value and respect the integrity of a secure emotional connection and a haven of safety they can rely upon.
