It can be said very simply and forcibly that many marriages and maybe even marriage as a societal institution is in trouble. In fact, if things continue along the path of more and more couples deciding that getting married is unnecessary the moral and legal authority that marriage has in society might just disappear. The statistics are alarming and for divorce rates they have been alarming for some time. The fifty percent divorce rate has remained fairly constant for some time and it really doesn’t seem to matter how much money you have, what god you worship, or your social standing. I suspect that if you asked how many couples were happy or content together, that number would be alarmingly low. They either have not yet decided to separate or have decided to stay together for some other reason. We just are not doing a good job as a society and culture with making marriage work.

This is not news. And many people and organizations have tried to turn the tide. There are organizations with names like “Saving Marriage”, or the “Marriage Initiative”, even welfare laws have been structured to try and encourage marriage. And most every religious faith, and certainly the Judeo-Christian heritages celebrate marriage as central to their life of faith and make every effort to keep couples together. And yet most initiatives, including marriage counseling have a dismal record of preventing divorce and improving struggling couple’s chances of staying together.

There is one notable exception, at least in the field of marriage counseling. With over 15 years of research Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) has a 70-75% (and a few have 80-85%) success rate of helping unhappy marriages. It also reports that 90% of couples treated report significant improvement. This is great news and I have seen the results in my own experience of counseling couples with EFT. It is truly amazing how effective it can be. Couples have stated they had very little hope of making their marriage work and have been overwhelmed with gratitude when it did after counseling sessions based on the EFT method.

I have learned how to practice EFT from Dr. Sharon May Morris. She is a follower of Jesus Christ and a master EFT therapist. She has written two books on EFT, the most recent is How to Argue so Your Spouse Will Listen. She has worked with several churches in California, including David Jeremiah’s church Shadow Mountain Community Church helping to implement mentoring and counseling programs based on EFT with great results. I am hoping that a coalition of churches and organizations in the Lexington area will help bring Sharon to Lexington for three days to help our local efforts. Centenary United Methodist and Crossroads Christian Church have committed to help. Please consider joining the effort to make marriage work.

In one of his newsletters Francis Frangipane made this statement: “We believe that the key to healing society is found in restoring marriage to its greatest goal as proclaimed by God in the book of Genesis. What is that goal? The Lord said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness . . . And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Gen 1:26-27).

Man and woman, married, united, in the image of God. If we restore this, we will restore our society one family at a time.”

We can restore our society one family at a time if we make marriage work.

7 Responses to Make Marriage Work

  • Thank you for caring enough to write this!

  • It’s wonderful you have found EFT. It truly is amazing. As one of 7 official EFT Trainers in the US I know from working with thousands of people as we understand our most basic needs in relationships and learn to give and receive with those basic needs in mind love and security grows.

    Dr. Johnson, therapy originator, also has a new book out for the general public. Hold Me Tight (HMT). It is a self-help book for couples.

    In the meantime of getting Sharon Morris to Lexington, you can prepare for that experience by reading FREE articles on improving your marriage based on EFT at my blog http://tiny.cc/EFTLove/, and by reading Hold Me Tight.

    May God bless you all in your efforts to live his Word by truly securing and developing your marraiges. Live in love.

    Becca:-)

  • Just passing by.Btw, you website have great content!

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  • Hey, just read some of your articles.. Great stuff.. Why have you stopped writing? ha ha.. Andrew

  • If we would only focus in loving rather than other people loving us, absolutely we would be happier.

    Love is giving, lust is taking.

    Sometimes before entering a relationship we want to love that person but we may not recognizing the fact that we are just doing it to please ourselves; that in reality we want love in return.

    So therefore, when we do not get that love, or that same kind of love that we give to our partner, then anguish arises in our heart.

    We became angry, and because of that wrath, we could not control our emotions and our mind; sometimes resulting to violent or unwanted actions.

    If only we could focus on loving… We all know that it is better if we put God in the center of our relationships.

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