Comments on: Love’s Paradox https://donsizemore.org/counseling/loves-paradox/ Counseling that makes a difference Sun, 02 Nov 2008 03:49:33 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9.4 By: Alisa Briggs https://donsizemore.org/counseling/loves-paradox/#comment-12 Sun, 02 Nov 2008 03:49:33 +0000 http://interweave.wordpress.com/2008/11/01/love%e2%80%99s-paradox/#comment-12 Being vulnerable and trusting another person more than anyone else is something if I were single again I would be more careful who I trusted. The questions I would ask would be many. Not about what color he likes or what food or movies. When I was young I believed in certain things, I imagined and expected the person I married to love and protect me. Instead after being married for nine years and having our first child I found myself shaking, my teeth clinched unable to eat for a week. In the middle of the night I would awake to weeping. I could feel my insides shaking and I was lonely in away I have never been. Hundreds of people could have been in the room beside me and I would have felt completely alone. I lost weight rapidly and within a month I had lost 16 pounds. Thoughts consumed me and would not stop. Things I had never thought in my entire life entered my mind. Something was gone permanently. I think now it was a belief that was taken and removed from who I am or was. So many things were stolen. Or given away to someone else. Maybe both. Having experienced child birth I would have rather stayed in the pains of labor than to have felt the pain of betrayal. I understand completely why you would turn and run from someone you love if they were the one who brought such pain upon you. Sometimes you can work through it. Maybe it depends on the memories or maybe what I think it depends on is how far the betrayer is willing to go to prove they are DEEPLY and truly sorry for what they did. As a woman I experienced humiliation in away that attacked and assaulted the very essence of my being a woman. The fear of STD's was and is now in the back of my mind. I have often thought if someone could see what this has done to me on the inside perhaps others would stop the cheating and lies. I saw the perfect metaphor at church. It was of a flower that was trampled and beaten into the ground. If you were able to get yourself back up from such a beating would you not want to run from the person who did this? You have not failed in caring or treating your patients. It is loved that has failed to be in one or both people. Someone perhaps wasn't willing to go to the extreme that was needed to save their marriage. When compared to the extreme they probably went to lie and cheat on marriage they failed to prove they cared enough about it. When compared to the care the betrayer had for the affair to continue, perhaps his/her efforts spent trying to save something so broken failed because of the selfishness within one or both of them and they lacked the ability or willingness to give enough to the relationship so it could live again.

If I were a tree many of my limbs would be torn and missing. If I were a tree much care and understanding I would need. As a tree I would appear withered and near dying. With so much broken, only real love and time could make me look even close to the tree I used to be.

Thank you for your blogs and the help you gave me and my husband. When are able to afford to return to counseling you would be who we would see. Thank you!

]]>