One of the great benefits of being a therapist is that I am allowed to witness the power of transformation. People's lives can and do change and I have the privilege of taking part in that transformation. Counseling is often the venue of last help. Most of us try everything we can to fix things on our own; talking with friends, reading self help books, or just trying harder. It is typically not an easy option to talk to a stranger about our problems. It is counter intuitive to think that a person that knows the least about you has the greatest opportunity to provide help. It just doesn't make sense that a perfect stranger can help you figure out or transform your life.
Some of that has to do with the nature of the counseling relationship. There typically is not a lot of time wasted on small talk. When someone comes into counseling it is because life has become difficult and painful enough to ask for help. You are ready to listen because you know that what you are doing is not working (If only my teenage children had such an attitude!).
This attitude of being ready for help is akin to a woman about to give birth to her baby. All modesty and pretense goes right out the window. There is a baby about to be born and it doesn't matter who is there and who sees what. If you have ever witnessed a birth you know what I mean. You are participating in something special, even sacred, and everything is focused on helping that new life enter the world.
Effective therapy is something like the birth experience. There is the potential for a different life, a new life and every effort is about helping bring that life forth. Whether it is a new marital relationship, or overcoming traumatic experiences like child abuse, or learning how to live a less anxious life, we all have the potential for new life in us. We are creatures who are in the process of becoming and there is something sacred, spiritual and mysterious in this process. As a counselor I participate in this first hand and the power of seeing lives transform is a blessing beyond words.
Today is the day after Christmas. All the preparation and excitement is past. How do you feel the day after? Is there an unfulfilled longing for more? Or are you satisfied, reflecting warmly on the past few days? Maybe you are just exhausted and glad to have a day after to recuperate. I am encouraged and looking forward to the New Year.
I could not have said that several days ago. I was feeling discouraged and disconnected. Something was wrong in my spirit and I felt very frustrated and confused. There were several situations and relationships that were bothering me that I could not quite name or identify. I was struggling to put my finger on what was the matter.
For me, and I believe for all of us, my life begins and ends with the condition of my spiritual life. But we live our life in relationship with others so they often become our focus. It is much easier and probably more obvious to see that something is wrong or frustrating in our relationships. And sometimes the problem is another person but more often the problem is with us. A great parable of Jesus captures this truth. He tells us to first take the log out of our eye before we focus on the spec we see in another's eye. We must first deal with those issues in our own lives before we can help anyone else see the issues and struggles in their lives. And because we are focusing on someone else's spec of a problem we miss our huge mess of a log. It is always good to remember to begin with what might be wrong with us before looking to see what might be wrong with someone else.
Leanne Payne, reminded me this Christmas that we were created in the image of God, and because we are image bearers we have "an inborn hunger for the transcendent" (the transcendent is something that is above , beyond and greater than us, in other words God). I believe this because I am satisfied "the day after" and I no longer feel disconnected. I was spiritually hungry and the "inborn holy craving" that image bearers possess has been satisfied this Christmas in true worship in the presence of Immanuel, God with us. And because I am better connected to God, I can be a better person to others, not demanding things from them that is impossible for them to give.
Welcome to Interweave! It is my wish and desire that my postings will encourage, educate, and inspire you to live more fully the life you have been given. I know that writing these posts will bless me and force me to put into words what I have learned from walking with people in their personal struggles. It is a privilege for me to become such an intimate participant in another life. Counseling, psychotherapy or whatever you call a trained and dedicated listener to the movements of an individual soul or the struggles of a married couple or diagnosing the presence of a mental disorders usually happens when people are the most vulnerable. And when we are vulnerable we are usually the most real and honest.
Being in a state of vulnerability allows us to be authentic. You know you are touching something solid, without pretense and ready to be known. It often means we have come to the end our attempts to manage our life on our terms. We are ready to listen and learn; to be influenced by others and maybe even by God. It is a great place to be and it blesses me to be apart of the experience. Great things happen in our lives when we are vulnerable and authentic.
May your day be full of blessing,
Don Sizemore, LCSW